1st 5 Pages March Workshop- Edwards Rev 2

Name: Sophie Edwards

Title: Mage: The Guardian’s Oath

Genre: YA Fantasy

Pitch:

On the third day of the harvest month, Clara Vedette was born. Again.

Her life lies within a village surrounded by an invisible, exit-less wall. She spends hours watching the forested outside, longing to escape. So, when a way out appears in the midst of a rainstorm, she leaps at the chance to explore.

But the wall protected her, and beyond the borders of her village, her gifts expose her to raging power and growing corruption.

Meanwhile, an army amasses on the wasteland ready to fight for pure magic – power that wielded wrongly would subject all to eternal misery. Outnumbered three-to-one, only one thing can stop the cunning controller: the weapon Clara hid eighteen centuries ago. But with no memory of her past, she must figure out where it is before the hunters seeking her life can claim their prize.

When the lines of right and wrong merge, she can no longer tell who her true enemies are. Does she have the courage to dip into the darkest magic? Or will she risk losing her freedom and everything she loves?

Revision:

I had never seen the wall surrounding my village, although I wandered the length of it countless times. Rain soaked me, its needles numbing my skin, but I didn’t falter running my fingers along its clear surface. The wall was smooth and cool under my fingertips, but without a reflection of the two moons, only touch proved its existence.

It wasn’t glass. In the village, when I pressed my nose against my cottage window, my eyes stared back at me, but when trying it against the wall not even a flicker showed.

Someone could walk right into it, but all the villagers avoided it, and I’d never seen a glimpse of anyone outside no matter how fiercely my curiosity pressed.

I pounded my fist against the surface and stared at the forest beyond.

The wall protected us. It cloaked us.

Yet after eighteen years, the village felt more like a prison and the dangers nothing more than a myth. We were trapped, denied any chance of adventure or exciting prospects.

I breathed in the musky scent of thorny ferns growing nearby, perhaps warning of dangers that supposedly prowled beyond the border’s safety. I’d never seen any of those either, and with no way out, the rumours couldn’t be disproved.

I tore my eyes from the wall and focused on the muddy path. My obsession with the outside landed me in trouble on more than one occasion. If Matriarch discovered me out here again she’d send me to train with Griff – a fate I’d rather forgo, but the need to find Lallana spurred me on.

I pressed on over the slippery ground, protected in my boots, and allowed the moons’ light to guide my way. Both full and bright, they lit up the path with ease.

A shimmer of light hair confirmed my suspicions, and I frowned at the sight of Lallana perched on a branch, sheltering under the thick canopy. Her tear streaked face shone in the moonlight, and it struck me that she was fourteen now. She appeared far younger, though had grown so much from the young child who followed me everywhere. Being four years older than her, I hadn’t expected to become so close, but with her persistence at clinging to my side and our shared training, our relationship blossomed, and we became sisters.

I glanced back along the path and smiled at Charlie, jogging to catch up. Even at his young age of fifteen, he cared too much about Lallana to stay in bed. 

I sidled toward her and hopped on to the branch, glad to be out of the rain.

She startled and sniffed. “How did you know I was here?”

“Don’t I always know how to find you?”

She gave me a little smile and wiped her cheeks with her sleeve.

“Matriarch won’t be pleased you’re out so late,” I said.

Her eyes widened. “You won’t tell her, Clara?”

I raised my eyebrows, and she giggled.

“No one has seen you since the training session,” I said.

Her gaze dropped to her knees. “I was humiliated.”

“It’s easily done.”

“When was the last time you stepped on Ruben’s robes?”

Ruben, easily the kindest of the three village Elders, made Lallana’s embarrassment all the worse. “They’re long,” I said. “Anyone could have tripped on them.”

“I tore them off him! Everyone saw … everything.” She shuddered.

I held back a rising giggle. “I suppose it didn’t help that he’s rather old.”

Charlie laughed and clambered up beside me, rain dripping from a mess of brown hair. His eyes shone in the moons’ light and dimples chased his grin. He arrived through the night eight years previously, scratched, bleeding, and bruised. No explanation was offered about his mysterious appearance, and his refusal to speak of the outside prevented any chance of satisfying my curiosity. Matriarch asked me to keep an eye on him, and as the only three children in the village, we quickly became family.

He nudged Lallana. “Look on the bright side. You needed to defend yourself. Pull off anyone’s robe and you’re bound to have the upper hand.”

Her expression softened then. “It’s a silly class.”

“It’s important,” he said.

“Is it?” I wondered. “We’re completely safe in the village, and with no way out …” Not for the first time, my desire to know how he got in danced on my tongue.

“There’s the dangers, though,” he said.

“You believe that, do you?”

“Of course.”

I thought, at first, the dangers caused his injuries, but he insisted it was simply the journey through the forest. Sharp terrain, he said. Then, he closed up again.

“We don’t even know what the dangers are,” I said. “Our training might not be any good against them.”

Charlie flapped a stray hair from his eyes. “Well, when you’re in charge, you can decide what to teach.”

“I don’t want to be in charge.”

“Why not?” Lallana asked.

Because I didn’t have that kind of strength. Or the will to be responsible for so many people. Why would anyone look up to me? I spent more time watching the outside than I did in the village. Taking place as an Elder would remove that freedom for good. “There are others far more capable of that.”

“They chose you,” Charlie said.

“With no apparent reason.” I had nothing to offer, more likely to mess up than make the village better. My strength lay in working in the fields. Even combat and leadership held nothing in my skills or interest. Besides, being in charge wouldn’t help sustain the population.

On the other side of the wall, shadows shifted below the trees, unreachable by the moons’ rays.

A papilion flew beneath the canopy. Lallana reached out with gentle speed, tenderly grasping the palm-sized creature. Its glowing wings and feathered antennae gleamed through the shadows with the same silvery light as the moons. She placed it on her knee, using her neck-tie to wipe the heavy raindrops from its wings. Its low purr flitted through the night.

I watched it silently, wondering if it, too, felt trapped within the border.

“Clara?” Charlie frowned. “You okay?”

I sighed and dropped from the branch. Another night staring at a desired future. Another night where nothing changed. “Come on. Time to get back.”

Charlie and Lallana exchanged a glance.

“What?” I asked.

Charlie hopped down beside me. “Happy eighteenth.” He reached out a balled fist and placed their gift in my palm: a single, clear crystal, carefully attached to a piece of frayed string.

“Is this the string you keep in the box under your bed?” I didn’t know its significance. He treasured it. Something from his past, before he came to the village, but I’d given up questioning him years ago.

He nodded. “We needed something to tie the crystal to and … I wanted you to have it.”

A lump rose in my throat. I didn’t think he’d part with it for anything.

He watched me with wide eyes. “Do you like it?”

“It’s perfect, Charlie. Thank you both.”

Lallana beamed.

He grinned. Much shorter than me, he needed to stand on tiptoe to tie it round my neck.

The string grated against my skin but was oddly comforting. The weight of the crystal felt unusual against my chest, and for a moment, it tingled.

Then, the whole world shivered, and the rain shifted.

Raindrops parted, cascading like a waterfall in the shape of an arch, exactly where the wall stood.