Name: Richard Gnann
Genre: Young Adult
Title: Rain Delay
Genre: Young Adult
Title: Rain Delay
"Playing catch is a way of getting to know another guy without talking, better than you would if you talked."
With an untouchable fastball, Jimbo Warren is the cream of the state’s pitching crop. But, one year ago, Jimbo’s father died and baseball hasn’t been the same since.
After blowing the north side rec championship, Jimbo’s plans for travel baseball are crushed when he and his mom are forced to move to the one-red light town of Peterson, Nebraska. Jimbo leaves behind his two best friends - the girl next door for his whole life, Joni, and Tony, the only catcher he’s ever known. A dressed up hayfield takes the place of elite travel ball tournaments, and the enthusiastic Vince and the bully Larry re-start Jimbo’s rain delayed summer.
Rain Delay is a contemporary young adult baseball tale of a boy escaping from his past into the present. When Jimbo learns to play to win each baseball moment, he is released from Peterson and returns to Atlanta to fulfill his dream.
Name: Richard Gnann
Genre: Young Adult
Title: Rain Delay
Genre: Young Adult
Title: Rain Delay
I stood on the mound and watched Ed Reese propeller his bat around twice before leaning way over the plate. Same old Ed. Same old hotdog act.
I had two strikes on Ed in the bottom of the last inning in the North Side Rec Championship. With a man on first, if Ed hit one out of the park, he wins the game for the Astros. Ed was swinging for the fence.
“Go with your best pitch.” I could hear my dad’s voice in my head. That’s something I would never forget.
“Reach back Jimbo.” Tony Sparrow was my catcher and I was his pitcher. Mom called us Batman and Robin, and Tony jerked my mind back into focus.
“Gotcha on radar, Jimbo.” Tony always said he was ground control guiding in a fighter jet. He gave me the same target I had been throwing to since we were nine years old.
My fastball sizzled and I watched it carve a slice off the back corner of the plate. “Strrrrrrrrrrike three. You’re out!”
Ed slammed his bat into the ground and shook his hair like a wet dog. He dragged the bat behind him and stared at the umpire, then turned away to spit on the ground toward me.
“That’s ok Ed, another bad call.” Ed’s dad always pulled one of those old-man lawn chairs up close to the screen near home plate and slurped boiled peanuts the whole game. “You would’ve smoked anything close.”
I knew his last words were for me and the back of my neck got hot.
“Get the next batter!” My mom had on her lucky Mets cap and her lucky big round red sunglasses. She clapped her hands in front of her chin twice. It was her lucky clap. “Come on, Jimbo, next pitch!”
No one wants a mind reading mom, but she did set me back on track. I needed one more out for the Championship.
Tony pounded his catcher’s mitt. “Finish, Jimbo.”
I just blew the doors off the best batter on the north side. All I had to do now was get out a thirteen-year old Punch and Judy hitter, Billy Pepper. I would get the out, my Mets would be North Side champs, and I would start travel ball next week with Diamond Elite, the best travel team in the state.
I could see Coach Perno in the afternoon shadow raise his index finger to wag it at Tony. “One.”
I stepped off the rubber.
“Time.” Tony was beside me on the mound before I wiped the sweat from my forehead. “Coach Perno said throw your fastball three times.”
I just stared at the baseball, studying it like it could tell my fortune.
“What are we crazy thinking about? Throwing your fast ball’s a no-brainer.”
I laid two fingers inside my glove for Tony to see.
Tony slapped his mitt. “You sure?”
The doubt in Tony’s face was honest, but my mind was set. “I’m sure.”
“Ok Jimbo, I’m in. Let’s crazy do it.”
Tony jogged back into the shadow behind the plate and set the target. My curveball dove from the letters to the knees, but snapped inside for ball one. Billy’s eyes were big as hubcaps. His bat didn’t flinch.
I kicked the dirt. The red dust cloud floated on the late afternoon breeze toward right field. I was now behind in the count and for no good reason. You don’t get points for fooling the batter. The idea is to get outs.
I came back with a fastball. Billy took again. “Strrrrrike one.”
Tony’s throw back stung my hand. “Just like that!”
Tony’s message shivered its way up to my elbow, but my mind drifted. Billy was young, but he had seen my pitches before. Time for a changeup.
The pitch stayed high. I saw Billy close his eyes, and he lucked into a dribbler foul up the first baseline.
The Astros dugout exploded like Billy had powered a single to center.
“That’s it!”
“You can hit him.”
The pine trees leaned over the third baseline fence and the American Legion field scoreboard lights shined bright in their shade.
Mets 3 Astros 2
strikes 2 outs 2
inning 7
Screams from parents and friends caused my neck to tingle. My heart was racing the last hundred yards of a marathon heading for a photo finish.
Billy tapped the plate once with his bat and loosened his shoulders with a level practice swing. Everyone could see that Billy now believed he could win this game. I shoved the thought away. Everyone knew Billy had about a one in a thousand chance of catching up to my fastball, everyone but Billy. His coolness became a trickle of doubt rolling down to my fingers causing me to grip the ball too tight. I didn’t hear the usual sizzle. Instead of carving off the corner, my fastball split the plate down the middle.
Billy’s eyes were open now and he swung as hard as he could. It was just hard enough to pop a lazy fly into right field. The ball was going to come down for an easy out and I started jumping up and down.
Then I stopped.
Because the road passed close to the ball field, the right field fence angled sharply back toward the infield the last two feet of fair territory. That made the foul pole T-ball distance. The pounding in my ears drowned out the screams of the crowd when Billy’s harmless fly turned into a cruise missile rocketing fair toward the fence.
A thousand to one chance to touch my fastball and a thousand to one chance to land fair over the fence. That’s a million to one chance that came home for Billy Pepper when the ball bounced fair off the high chain link beyond first base and tapped the hood of a passing convertible.
Honk!
From the mound, I had a perfect spot to watch the Astros push Billy to the ground and pile on top. I turned away to see my own teammates trudge off the field after losing the Championship because of my stupidity. They didn’t even stop in the dugout before shuffling to their speechless parents.
“Tough one, Jimbo.” I hadn’t seen Coach Perno walk out to the mound. “Let’s go, ok?”
He turned to lead me across the infield.
Then he stopped and turned back. “You’re one heck of a pitcher. And I know your dad would have been proud of you.”
Maybe, but never I had been brainless picking pitches when my dad was here. I never had any doubts when Dad was here.
I knew Coach Perno wanted to say the right thing, but his last words carved a hole in my chest. “We would have all given anything to have your dad here.”
It was the second worst day of my life.
When I saw Diamond Elite head Coach Mickey Wells shaking Ed’s hand, I knew it would get worse.
Okay pitch first:
ReplyDelete1) I would remove the quote at the beginning. It's really not adding anything to this pitch and you would be better off stating the genre and word count here (in a query that is).
2) Next, I like how you incite the story but don't see the connection between him losing the game and them being forced to move. The inciting incident needs to actually cause the change so this needs to be really clear.
3) After that, what we need is his goal for the story. Is it to win something specific so he gets to move back? This needs to be clear. The bully and other stuff should be presented as obstacles to this goal (so if the goal was winning a tournament then the bully would matter only in how he might make him not win).
4) I would reword the very ending so this is about him meeting a goal and not learning a lesson. Although he may learn a lesson, focusing on this inner arc is a little too middle grade for a pitch.
5) The ending makes it sound like he's trying to get over or get away from something in his past, but you haven't told us what that is (aside from his father dying). If this is important because it's affecting his ability to reach his goal, then I think that needs to be listed with the other obstacles.
Good luck!
Holly
Now for the little stuff in the pages:
ReplyDelete1) There's still a bit of telling in here. For example, "Tony Sparrow was my catcher and I was his pitcher." This is already obvious from reading so you don't need to state it in the middle of his thoughts.
2) I think there's a typo in here, "Maybe, but never I had been brainless picking..."
3) You're in past tense so "he wins the game" should be "he'd win the game..."
4) This metaphor doesn't seem to work for a baseball player (unless he happens to run marathons as well): "My heart was racing the last hundred yards of a marathon heading for a photo finish." Try to use something specific to him like maybe a reference to one of the longest or most stressful World Series games ever.
5) I think you can remove the word travel from "the best travel team in the state" since you tell us it's travel ball earlier in the same sentence.
6) There are too many adjectives here which is making this a stumble: "lucky big round red sunglasses". Maybe go with just one or two.
7) I'm still confused about his age here. His comment about the 13-year-old makes me think he might be 14 or even 15, but I can't see him playing this kid if he's any older than that. Also thirteen-year old also needs a hyphen between year and old (thirteen-year-old).
Holly
Thanks Holly. I appreciate you reading and your comments.
DeleteRichard
Hello Again, Richard! Well done on the revision.
ReplyDeleteHowever, in reading your pitch and revision, I do have things to discuss (of course). I can see what your book is about now and it is an idea that I truly do enjoy. I can’t explain why I like books that deal with loss, but I think it is a topic that needs to be worked with and discussed.
That being said, if this chapter is about dropping Jimbo to new lows, DROP HIM AND DROP HIM HARD. By the end of the first chapter, the reader should be A) feeling Jim’s pain and B) rooting for him in the hopes that it gets better. So let him start off at the bottom if he’s going to end the book on top. Just something to think about.
I like your pitch because it does put it all out there. One thing to consider is tossing a lot of characters in there right off the bat (unintended pun? Alright.) especially if those characters won’t show up in the bulk of the book. Joni and Tony… friends, yes, and ones that matter to Jimbo, for certain, but if he’s going to move away from them… why does an agent need to know about them in a short pitch? A query letter yes, they can show up, but be careful. If the story is about Jimbo and his quest to reclaim the passion of his favorite sport, then focus on Jimbo.
Also- Fulfill his dream? Which is? Is his dream to get the girl and the big trophy and the eventual scholarship?
So onto the critique. I still say that if you are going to start with Ed and some conflict, “hot dog act” goes pretty soft. Especially if Jimbo has a dislike of Ed, given that Ed is “that guy” the cocky… boy…. who has an obnoxious heckling dad. So if Ed trots out of the dugout and Jimbo is all “oh here’s this guy. He thinks he’s all that and a bag of chips” show it.
“Same old Ed, same old guy all the girls think is hot, who’s been playing ball since he was three, who thinks he’s the best at what he does.”
This can carry into Jimbo’s distraction. If he starts getting rattled by Ed and it leads into Billy, show it. You do put us right into the action and let us know about the stakes. This is a championship game and the score is close.
Reach back Jimbo.” Tony Sparrow was my catcher and I was his pitcher. Mom called us Batman and Robin, and Tony jerked my mind back into focus.
ReplyDelete“Gotcha on radar, Jimbo.” Tony always said he was ground control guiding in a fighter jet. He gave me the same target I had been throwing to since we were nine years old.
I would combine these two lines and take out one of the Jimbos. Try:
Reach back Jimbo.” Tony Sparrow was my catcher and I was his pitcher. Mom called us Batman and Robin. Tony jerked my mind back into focus. “Gotcha on radar.” He always said he was ground control guiding in a fighter jet. He was the same target I had been throwing to since we were nine years old.
I don’t really like it when my sentences are rearranged for me, but let me know what you think. Also, if Jim’s mind is wandering, maybe show it? Perhaps a little glance at the scoreboard? Also maybe Tony is the catcher and leave out Jim being his pitcher? We do see Jimbo’s position on the mound and the ball in his hand waiting to be thrown. Never doubt the reader’s intellect.
I knew his last words were for me and the back of my neck got hot.
Try: I knew his last words were for me. The back of my neck got hot. Or take out the second part all together.
“Get the next batter…” watch that word Lucky.
“… set me back on track.” I thought Tony jerked his mind back into focus? If he’s distracted, show it more clearly.
“… next week with Diamond Elite” Good! I see Jimbo’s hopes and dreams in this.
…Wag it at Tony. “One.” I got lost here. Was this spoken? What does it mean?
“What are we crazy thinking about?” I’m still not a fan of this. Especially when “throwing your fast ball is a no brainer” shows that Tony is a bit more in control of his thoughts than Jimbo. But then you have him say “let’s crazy do it” and the only impression I am getting of Tony is that he likes to use the word “crazy.” Not that he settled Jimbo’s brain.
“letters to the kneecaps.”That doesn’t make a lot of sense, not to me, and in multiple rereads of this I have learned the gist of a baseball game. Watch using slang that you are familiar with that might confuse other readers. “His bat didn’t flinch.” He didn’t flinch? The bat didn’t move, not a milliliter?
“Billy took again.” Did you mean tried?
This dialogue: who said it, and why did it need to be said?
“That’s it!”
“You can hit him.”
I did glaze over the actual written out score. I am sorry. It might be able to be said rather then shown as it is. The score is 3 to 2 at the bottom of the 7th inning with two strikes and two outs? This seems close. But I also maintain that the score should be up higher in the prose.
Between:
ReplyDeleteThe Astros dugout exploded like Billy had powered a single to center.
And:
Screams from parents and friends caused my neck to tingle. My heart was racing the last hundred yards of a marathon heading for a photo finish.
I at first thought that Billy HAD powered a single to center. I had to reread to see that he hadn’t.
Next paragraph: watch the “everyone.” This isn’t a story about Jimbo and everyone. This is a story about Jimbo, we see things solely though Jimbo’s eyes. Slip into Jimbo’s head and see how he sees things.
You use thousand to one and million to one to show chances and I’m left grappling with numbers rather than seeing the point which is there is no way Billy can do this AND YET HE HAS.
But honestly this isn’t where you need description, you need action.
The ball hits the convertible.
Jimbo loses the game.
He’s at his lowest
And things get WORSE.
One final thought: I mentioned it before, the Jim/Jimmy/James Jr. vs. Jimbo, and I’ll say it again. Considering how your character sees himself influences how others perceive him. He’s not just a character, Jimbo is a walking talking person, and you’re telling his story.
Best of luck in all you do!
Between:
ReplyDeleteThe Astros dugout exploded like Billy had powered a single to center.
And:
Screams from parents and friends caused my neck to tingle. My heart was racing the last hundred yards of a marathon heading for a photo finish.
I at first thought that Billy HAD powered a single to center. I had to reread to see that he hadn’t.
Next paragraph: watch the “everyone.” This isn’t a story about Jimbo and everyone. This is a story about Jimbo, we see things solely though Jimbo’s eyes. Slip into Jimbo’s head and see how he sees things.
You use thousand to one and million to one to show chances and I’m left grappling with numbers rather than seeing the point which is there is no way Billy can do this AND YET HE HAS.
But honestly this isn’t where you need description, you need action.
The ball hits the convertible.
Jimbo loses the game.
He’s at his lowest
And things get WORSE.
One final thought: I mentioned it before, the Jim/Jimmy/James Jr. vs. Jimbo, and I’ll say it again. Considering how your character sees himself influences how others perceive him. He’s not just a character, Jimbo is a walking talking person, and you’re telling his story.
Best of luck in all you do!
Reach back Jimbo.” Tony Sparrow was my catcher and I was his pitcher. Mom called us Batman and Robin, and Tony jerked my mind back into focus.
ReplyDelete“Gotcha on radar, Jimbo.” Tony always said he was ground control guiding in a fighter jet. He gave me the same target I had been throwing to since we were nine years old.
I would combine these two lines and take out one of the Jimbos. Try:
Reach back Jimbo.” Tony Sparrow was my catcher and I was his pitcher. Mom called us Batman and Robin. Tony jerked my mind back into focus. “Gotcha on radar.” He always said he was ground control guiding in a fighter jet. He was the same target I had been throwing to since we were nine years old.
I don’t really like it when my sentences are rearranged for me, but let me know what you think. Also, if Jim’s mind is wandering, maybe show it? Perhaps a little glance at the scoreboard? Also maybe Tony is the catcher and leave out Jim being his pitcher? We do see Jimbo’s position on the mound and the ball in his hand waiting to be thrown. Never doubt the reader’s intellect.
I knew his last words were for me and the back of my neck got hot.
Try: I knew his last words were for me. The back of my neck got hot. Or take out the second part all together.
“Get the next batter…” watch that word Lucky.
“… set me back on track.” I thought Tony jerked his mind back into focus? If he’s distracted, show it more clearly.
“… next week with Diamond Elite” Good! I see Jimbo’s hopes and dreams in this.
…Wag it at Tony. “One.” I got lost here. Was this spoken? What does it mean?
“What are we crazy thinking about?” I’m still not a fan of this. Especially when “throwing your fast ball is a no brainer” shows that Tony is a bit more in control of his thoughts than Jimbo. But then you have him say “let’s crazy do it” and the only impression I am getting of Tony is that he likes to use the word “crazy.” Not that he settled Jimbo’s brain.
“letters to the kneecaps.”That doesn’t make a lot of sense, not to me, and in multiple rereads of this I have learned the gist of a baseball game. Watch using slang that you are familiar with that might confuse other readers. “His bat didn’t flinch.” He didn’t flinch? The bat didn’t move, not a milliliter?
“Billy took again.” Did you mean tried?
This dialogue: who said it, and why did it need to be said?
“That’s it!”
“You can hit him.”
I did glaze over the actual written out score. I am sorry. It might be able to be said rather then shown as it is. The score is 3 to 2 at the bottom of the 7th inning with two strikes and two outs? This seems close. But I also maintain that the score should be up higher in the prose.
Hello Again, Richard! Well done on the revision.
ReplyDeleteHowever, in reading your pitch and revision, I do have things to discuss (of course). I can see what your book is about now and it is an idea that I truly do enjoy. I can’t explain why I like books that deal with loss, but I think it is a topic that needs to be worked with and discussed.
That being said, if this chapter is about dropping Jimbo to new lows, DROP HIM AND DROP HIM HARD. By the end of the first chapter, the reader should be A) feeling Jim’s pain and B) rooting for him in the hopes that it gets better. So let him start off at the bottom if he’s going to end the book on top. Just something to think about.
I like your pitch because it does put it all out there. One thing to consider is tossing a lot of characters in there right off the bat (unintended pun? Alright.) especially if those characters won’t show up in the bulk of the book. Joni and Tony… friends, yes, and ones that matter to Jimbo, for certain, but if he’s going to move away from them… why does an agent need to know about them in a short pitch? A query letter yes, they can show up, but be careful. If the story is about Jimbo and his quest to reclaim the passion of his favorite sport, then focus on Jimbo.
Also- Fulfill his dream? Which is? Is his dream to get the girl and the big trophy and the eventual scholarship?
So onto the critique. I still say that if you are going to start with Ed and some conflict, “hot dog act” goes pretty soft. Especially if Jimbo has a dislike of Ed, given that Ed is “that guy” the cocky… boy…. who has an obnoxious heckling dad. So if Ed trots out of the dugout and Jimbo is all “oh here’s this guy. He thinks he’s all that and a bag of chips” show it.
“Same old Ed, same old guy all the girls think is hot, who’s been playing ball since he was three, who thinks he’s the best at what he does.”
This can carry into Jimbo’s distraction. If he starts getting rattled by Ed and it leads into Billy, show it. You do put us right into the action and let us know about the stakes. This is a championship game and the score is close.
Hi Richard – this is great. The action is very clear and seems to set up the story you’ve defined in the query. I enjoyed the query too, by the way – and your mentor, Holly, gave you brilliant tips for refining it. I haven’t commented too much on the queries as they’re something I find difficult to get right. I’ve already looked at the website Holly recommended though!
ReplyDeleteFull disclosure here – I don’t understand baseball and I’m British – so I’m guessing if I can follow the story arc and understand what’s going on – then anyone can! So you do an excellent job at clearly depicting action. That said I’ve got a few points where I think you could tighten your writing.
Your style reminds me of Steinbeck in that it’s sparse on detail. What you do give is simple yet effective. However, there is quite a bit of telling the reader what’s going on.
‘Because the road passed close to the ball field, the right field fence angled sharply back toward the infield the last two feet of fair territory. That made the foul pole T-ball distance.’
Contrast it with the following section – where you show the reader so clearly what’s happening and it comes alive with Jimbo's emotion:
‘Billy tapped the plate once with his bat and loosened his shoulders with a level practice swing. Everyone could see that Billy now believed he could win this game. I shoved the thought away. Everyone knew Billy had about a one in a thousand chance of catching up to my fastball, everyone but Billy. His coolness became a trickle of doubt rolling down to my fingers causing me to grip the ball too tight. I didn’t hear the usual sizzle. Instead of carving off the corner, my fastball split the plate down the middle.’
The other thing I would work on - would be your final line. ‘When I saw Diamond Elite head Coach Mickey Wells shaking Ed’s hand, I knew it would get worse.’ I preferred last week’s version. I know you’ve set up who the Diamond Elite are – but I am confused as to why the handshake is so momentous and find the prescient tone jarring.
Overall, I think it’s a great read and that you’re well on your way to a polished story. Thanks for your comments on my work. This has been such a good experience! Good luck with your writing in the future - Ro
Ro - I really appreciate you reading and commenting, and I've enjoyed very much your writing.
ReplyDeleteRichard
Richard: as a sports fan (soccer rather than baseball) I enjoy this section because it tells a very true story. The action is vivid and i can follow the building tension as the narrator creates his own defeat. The sense of loss, and then the realization that loss will follow loss comes from a very tight narrative structure that I truly enjoy. Jimbo is entirely believable and also entirely sympathetic.
ReplyDeleteThe only thing I continue to dislike is that phrase, "Crazy thinking". But that's my preference.
Thanks tpw.
DeleteI really appreciate you reading and commenting
Richard
Richard: as a sports fan (soccer rather than baseball) I enjoy this section because it tells a very true story. The action is vivid and i can follow the building tension as the narrator creates his own defeat. The sense of loss, and then the realization that loss will follow loss comes from a very tight narrative structure that I truly enjoy. Jimbo is entirely believable and also entirely sympathetic.
ReplyDeleteThe only thing I continue to dislike is that phrase, "Crazy thinking". But that's my preference.
Hi Richard, The problem with getting so many critiques from several different people is it can get overwhelming! Sometimes you feel like you have to make all the changes recommended, and that can take your story in a different direction from where you want it to go. So having said that, there are things I liked about this revision and things I did not. I read over your beginning paragraphs a few times, trying to figure out why it just didn't sit right with me. I think I would start with “'Go with your best pitch.' I could hear my dad’s voice in my head." It immediately puts Dad in the story, which is important because his death is a pivotal part of the story and creates the need for Jimbo and his mom to move. Because it is so pivotal, I was disappointed to see that you took out the mention of it being one year ago today that they buried his dad. That is so powerful! Like Ro, I preferred the ending you had before, with the final sentence being "And then it got worse." A couple of people have already mentioned the duplicate word "lucky" in the sentence describing Mom. I would think she would be wearing a Mets cap anyway, so I like the idea of the round red sunglasses being the lucky ones.
ReplyDeleteAs far as your pitch, your mentor has made some excellent points and I would refer you to those. I, too, thought the first sentence to be awkward and would take it out. It's a great quote, but something that should be used somewhere else. After reading your pitch, I didn't feel like your first five pages set up that premise at all! I felt like he was already living in a rural area (uneven outfield fence, truck driving down the dirt road behind the field, etc.). So when you say he has to leave his elite travel ball team to move to a rural area, that kind of threw me.
So I don't know if all that helps or not, but good luck with it! I will share with you my philosophy on critiques, since I have been involved with several critique groups over the years: If one or two people point out something, you decide whether or not it's something you want to change. But if three or more people say the same thing, you definitely want to take a look at it! BTW, I love your new title, and I will look for it on the shelf some day!
Thanks Kathie. I appreciate it very much.
ReplyDeleteRichard
Hi Richard,
ReplyDeleteYou have A LOT of feedback from people above, and I know that can be frustrating and overwhelming so I'll keep mine short. I think you've come a long way and you're on a good path. Now, focus on your pitch (ha. pun). We need a clear idea of what the conflict is from Jim, what's at stake if he doesn't succeed, and why we should care. You set it up so well but in the second paragraph we lack any sort of tension or consequences. What does Jim want most? What does he stand to lose if he doesn't attain his goal? That's what makes us stick with and root for a character.
Good luck!
Thanks Mackenzie. I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment.
DeleteRichard
Hi Richard,
ReplyDeleteI thought these pages were really fun and you throw us right into the mix straight away, which is brilliant. I think this is really attention grabbing but suggest stripping back the very specific technical action from the first page a little just so we aren’t completely overwhelmed before we have found our bearings. I think that by the time you reach ‘Screams from parents and friends…’ onwards you have really found your rhythm, but that the very opening pages could be tightened up and a little easier to follow. I like the added depth you have at the end when we find out about his dad and this was really nicely done without being too jarring or forced in the narrative.
For the pitch I thought this was all really strong right up until ‘re-start Jimbo’s rain delayed summer’ as I wasn’t 100% sure what this meant. I think you need to make this obstacle/resolution clearer so we really know what the hook and tension of the story is, ie. what we want to read on to find out about. You hint to it here but I think actually because it is quite vague it leaves me a bit confused instead of intrigued, which is a shame as the potential is all there in the rest of it.
All best,
Sarah
Richard, looks like I'm getting in just under the wire. But it also looks like you have received a ton of advice. I'd like to second Kathie's sentiments. It can be tough to sort out what advice to take when receiving lots of conflicting advice. Saying that, I'm not going to offer anymore insight, but advice instead. Truly consider these comments and how responding to each could affect your story. Then, do what feels right to you.
ReplyDeleteAll the luck to you! It's been a pleasure reading your work.
Sheri~