Name: Lizz Huerta
Genre: Young Adult Contemporary
Title: When My Father Was Beautiful
I slipped out of school before classes ended, not even telling Diana, my best friend. I didn't want to get caught up in any of her long ruminations. I wanted quiet, a book and day spent reading in the hammock. The Santa Ana desert winds were blowing in over Southern California. The hot winds dried everything out, made the days crazy. Summer wasn't satisfied to have just one season and was insisting it's way deep into fall.
Nobody should have been home. My father's business kept him long hours. He had a hand in every aspect; the buying of the stone, endless paperwork, clients to impress and keep happy. He rarely made it home for dinner. When he did, he ate with the paper open in front of him. My mother should have been volunteering her day at the Nature Center, leading school tours, letting them feed the stingrays. She usually stayed until late afternoon to watch the sea birds come back from their day of fishing.
I was surprised then, to see my mom's car in the driveway. She wouldn't care that I’d ditched, I knew she’d even write me a note excusing my absence. But for no other reason than the world being a little crazy I decided to be secretive about my entering.
Sage was burning, I could smell it before I entered. Opening the door silently, I set my backpack on the bench by the door. I was hungry and hoped we could grab food to go and eat on the pier and watch the surfers.
I heard a sound coming from my parent's bedroom, my mom’s voice low, a long vowel. I grinned, thinking she was doing her weird yoga routine. She didn't have the patience for Yoga classes or actually having to be consistent anything. Every few months she would “get back” into Yoga and speed through modified asanas of her own design, inaccurately chanting mantras she'd learned in one of the few classes she'd previously attended.
I snuck to the door with the intention of scaring her so she would let out the whoop she did when startled. Peeking in I could see my mom was on the floor on the other side of the bed. She was facing the sliding door opposite me. I saw the back of her head against the bed. She let out another low vowel, I was about to tell her her mantra sucked when another head came into view. A stranger's face rose next to my mother's head, his eyes were closed and he pressed his face into her neck. My blood went cold.
"Grace. Grace. Grace," He whispered her name, kissing her.
"God, Ernie," she moaned, "I love you."
I turned and ran out of the house.
***
Diana found me at J Street Marina. I was sitting on rocks, staring at the bay.
"Thanks for abandoning me," she greeted, climbing down beside me.
"I needed to be alone." I didn't look at her.
"Yeah, what about my needs? Do you ever think of what I need?" She teased. I didn't answer.
In my head I kept hearing the stranger's voice saying my mother's name.
"Sol? Que onda?" I flinched as Diana reached for me. I finally looked at her. Diana knew me better than anyone and her eyes opened wide when she saw my face. I’d been crying.
"Oh Sol. Is this about Joaquin? I can't believe he's with Hannah either. Proves he's dumber than he's hot."
"What?" I had no idea what she was talking about. Joaquin was my obsession. He was a year older than us and the president of our Starving Artist's club. Diana sucked in air between her teeth.
"Ay. You didn't hear? He and Hannah got caught in the darkroom at the photo-lab. They came out wearing each other's shirts." Diana put her arm around me as my sobs came. I leaned into her comforting body. Diana and I had been best friends since we were children. Her mom Lora used to babysit me when my mother was attempting to go back to school. Lora had taught me the little Spanish I knew. She said it was a shame my father didn't each me the language of our people; that I had should to speak in the language of my emotions. I didn't know what she meant back then but wondered if there was a word in Spanish for what I was feeling.
"Can I come to your place?" I didn't want to go home. There was no way I could face my mom.
"Is water wet?" She picked up a rock and threw it into the water, breaking up a group of seagulls. They voiced their protest.
"Sol, look at those crazy birds. They’re totally related to dinosaurs. You can see T-Rex in their eyes and beaks. If seagulls were the size of humans we'd all be dead." Diana's strange observations about the world were one of many reasons I loved her. As we walked she went on and on, not needing me to respond. By the time we got to the small apartment where she lived with her mom she’d broken down the evolutionary progress of seagulls being the last dinosaurs and I was thoroughly distracted.
"Your Mama called." Lora kissed us both as we walked in. Lora gave me a look. "If you're going to ditch school, you should still take your backpack with you. Your mom said she came home and found it. She wants to know where the hell the two of you were all day. I'd like to know too."
"I was at school! I swear, Ma!" Diana protested, slamming her bag down and pulling out papers. "See? I got this handout, it's dated, November 16."
"Sol?" Lora ignored her and stared at me.
"I went home early then to J Street, I needed a personal day." I said.
"So you walked home, left your backpack then went to J Street without your phone or anything?" She was good at interrogating, I hadn't been on the other end of one of her interrogations since we were kids and we drank the rum off her altar.
"Yes." I squeaked. It was true. It was stupid to leave my backpack, but I’d panicked. All I had felt the entire walk to the marina was my heartbeat crashing through my veins. I was relieved my mom thought I had skipped an entire day of school.
"In this crazy heatwave? Lora stared. I used a trick Diana had taught me and stared at the space between her eyes so I wouldn't break down under her gaze.
"Yeah." I glanced at Diana who picked up.
"Sol is having a crisis. Joaquin is with somebody else." Diana announced. Relief coursed through me. I could use the excuse of Joaquin to wear my pain.
"Okay. If that's your story." Lora raised her eyebrows me and I saw what Diana would look like at her age. I turned to follow Diana to her room. Lora grabbed my upper arm. With her other hand she held my face and looked into me. Her concern was evident and my eyes filled with tears. I couldn't speak. It was too much.
"Sol," she said softly, "No hay mal que por bien no venga."
I shook my head. My Spanish wasn't even close to good enough.
"There is no evil from which good cannot come." She kissed my forehead. "Call your mama."
First Five Pages Writing Workshop: Jump Start Your Novel and Career
"But for no other reason than the world being a little crazy I decided to be secretive about my entering. " -- If it's just the world being crazy, why do you need to clarify her reasoning for being secretive? I sort of assumed based on your first paragraph that your MC wanted to be alone, so being secretive about entering wouldn't actually surprise me based on that. Also, it sounds like being secretive is an explanation for why the Mom and her lover didn't hear the MC come in, but in all truthfulness, I wouldn't be surprised either if they didn't hear her come in no matter how loud she was.
ReplyDeleteOther things: why is sage burning? Who's burning it here? I don't know if that's a question to be answered later, but since you ended the scene there, I was sort of confused about that and wondering whether it was supposed to be a significant detail. The Santa Ana winds were good for setting the scene and the rest good for showing us more about the parents and the MC's relationship with them, and potentially why the mom is cheating
""Ay. You didn't hear? He and Hannah got caught in the darkroom at the photo-lab. They came out wearing each other's shirts." Diana put her arm around me as my sobs came." -- This sort of feels random. If they've been best friends for a long time, how is it that Diana misinterprets the 'what' as the MC not hearing or at least why does she tell her about it when that's not the reason she was crying? Seems like that'd fuel the sadness more, and not something a best friend would do?
RE: "She wouldn't care that I’d ditched, I knew she’d even write me a note excusing my absence." // the ditching & backpack bit. If she wouldn't care that her daughter had ditched, why does she call Lora? Did she not see the MC before she went to school with the backpack? / Even if she didn't see her go to school, if she doesn't care about ditching, then she shouldn't care about the backpack being there. Maybe I'm overthinking it, but it seemed a tad inconsistent. Also, do these kids not have cell phones? If she calls Lora, Lora would call her daughter to see where she is and if the MC is with her, right?
"There is no evil from which good cannot come." -- Wait, why is this Lora's reaction? As far as we know, she accepts Sol's story and just wants her to call her mom. The boyfriend bit doesn't seem to fit with a line about evil, but maybe that's just me. Does she know about the affair? Right now it comes off to me as a typical mom interrogation so the bit about evil is what I'm struggling with.
Also I'm a little uncertain as to why the affair upsets the MC so much. You tell us she keeps hearing the guy saying her mom's name and you show us her crying - is it just the act or thinking that her parents will separate or? I'm asking because most of this seems focused on the other people around the MC and their actions (what her parents do, what Diana does, what Lora does - MC ditches & runs out when she sees her mom), and I'd like to get to know more about her. Knowing more of why it upsets her might be one way to do that. Plus I think knowing about why it upsets her also brings us closer to her pain.
I really like the best friend and Lora and the dynamic the MC has with both.
What I love best about this beginning was the horrific situation your MC finds at home. Gaaaah! That and then the way her BFF and her mom are actually there for her in a way her own family isn't. OK, that and the fact that you have a Latina MC whose parents haven't clued her in much on her culture. With these things alone, you have the makings of a great story. What you might want to tweak a bit is the way the backstory comes out, especially in the first few paragraphs. Instead of telling us Diana is her best friend, maybe you could just give us the details and let us come to that conclusion. Same with her father's business. Show him not there, and her exasperation at never seeing him, and we'll get that his job is his life. As written, each of these sorts of facts kind of took me out of the MCs head, and I'd personally like to be even deeper in there.
ReplyDeleteI also wonder if this is starting in the right place. I like how you give us a bit of a sense of the character and her life before throwing us into the chaos, but it might be toooo quiet of a start, too introspective maybe. Where you grabbed my attention was with the line about the burning sage--great sensory detail! It made me wonder if that might be a better starting point, and then she could mull over some of the details from the first paragraph before finding her mom. Just a thought.
When she actually DOES find her mom (ewwwww), I did kind of want more of an emotional response. How does she react physically besides running away? What is going through her head?
Again, love the way we already have a sense of hope with Diana and Lola. Can't wait to see what you do with this!
Lizz—Thanks for participating in the workshop! I enjoyed reading your opening pages. I absolutely love the title.
ReplyDeleteThe opening scene is painful for Sol, and we sympathize with her right away. I mean seriously, I can't even imagine walking in on that. Ugh. Powerful stuff right away. I'd even strip away some of those earlier lines and get to the guts quicker. You can even start with something about her ditching, such as "Mom wouldn't care that I'd ditched." Makes us curious about mom and why the mc is ditching, or why mom wouldn't care about something like that.
I really like the relationship between the two friends, and I even like how we already know that Lora is like a second mother to Sol. My in-laws are Mexican, and the way Lora grabs her chin and doesn't take any grief? Nailed it. I can see my mother-in-law doing that to my husband when he was little!
There was some backstory here about dad's work, mom's yoga, and Lora's Spanish. I think those longer passages should wait until later in the story. For the opening, I'd act now and explain later. Maybe hint at the fact that dad shouldn't be home, but explain later. That sort of thing.
There were a couple of places where there was an added or missing word, but I won't fuss about that now.
Great job!
Huerta Part 1
ReplyDeleteThis is a good start. Sol is a sympathetic character and I’m immediately interested in her and her problem. I like the rhythm of your writing and the way you describe Sol’s parents. As you’ll see, I had some problems with timing and logic in the story, as well as you telling of the heat wave without showing it. But all my notes are relatively easy fixes, should you choose to make them. At its core you’ve got the beginning of a good, interesting story that I’m sure lots of young people will want to read.
I slipped out of school before classes ended, not even telling Diana, my best friend. I didn't want to get caught up in any of her long ruminations. I wanted quiet, a book and day spent reading in the {cool shade of the?} hammock. The Santa Ana desert winds were blowing in over Southern California. The hot winds dried everything out, made the days crazy {a little vague. Crazy in what way?}. Summer wasn't satisfied to have just one season and was insisting it's way deep into fall. {Nice beginning. Leaving school early for tension}
{I didn’t actually realize it was a heat wave until the last page. Just thought it was summery out --I haven’t spent much time in CA. That’s why crazy is too vague. If it’s a heat wave, then show it. The fan on or a/c in Mom’s bedroom? People in tee shirts? Someone mopping their brow? Sol wiping sweat from hers?}
Nobody should have been home. My father's {type of business?} business kept him long hours. He had a hand in every aspect; the buying of the stone, endless paperwork, clients to impress and keep happy. He rarely made it home for dinner. When he did, he ate with the paper open in front of him. My mother should have been volunteering her day at the Nature Center, leading school tours, letting them feed the stingrays. She usually stayed until late afternoon to watch the sea birds come back from their day of fishing.
I was surprised then, to see my mom's car in the driveway. She wouldn't care that I’d ditched {later it sounds like she sure does care}, I knew she’d even write me a note excusing my absence. But for no other reason than the world being a little crazy {perhaps just for fun? See crazy comment above?}I decided to be secretive about my entering.
Huerta Part 2
ReplyDeleteSage was burning, I could smell it before I entered {seems to imply that the sage was burning inside the house. Is that what you mean?}. Opening the door silently, I set my backpack on the bench by the door. I was hungry and hoped we {she and her mom? but I thought she wants to be alone?} could grab food to go and eat on the pier and watch the surfers {thought she wanted to read?}.
I heard a sound coming from my parent's bedroom, my mom’s voice low, a long vowel {is there a better word than vowel?}. I grinned, thinking she was doing her weird yoga routine. She didn't have the patience for Yoga classes or actually having to be consistent { ? } anything. Every few months she would “get back” into Yoga and speed through modified asanas of her own design, inaccurately chanting mantras she'd learned in one of the few classes she'd previously attended. {nice}
I snuck to the door with the intention of scaring her so she would let out the whoop she did when startled. Peeking in I could see my mom was on the floor on the other side of the bed. She was facing the sliding door opposite me. I saw the back of her head against the bed. She let out another low vowel {maybe something slightly different since this isn’t really a mantra, it’s passion?}, I was about to tell her her mantra sucked when another head came into view. A stranger's face {very brief description?} rose next to my mother's head, his eyes were closed and he pressed his face into her neck. My blood went cold.{a bit of a cliché, and out of place with the rest of this lovely writing. Perhaps some other way to describe her reaction?}
"Grace. Grace. Grace," He whispered {need this? her name}, kissing her.
"God, Ernie," she moaned, "I love you."
I turned and ran out of the house.
***
Diana found me at J Street Marina. I was sitting on rocks, staring at the bay. {Is this a usual place, or did Diana have to search many places? One more line setting the scene? What does Sol see in the bay? If it’s a heat wave, does she feel a cooling bay breeze?}
"Thanks for abandoning me," she greeted, climbing down beside me. {maybe just a word about the heat?}
"I needed to be alone." I didn't look at her. {a line about how’s she’s feeling? After all, she’s just had a terrible shock}
"Yeah, what about my needs? Do you ever think of what I need?" She teased. I didn't answer.
Huerta Part 3
ReplyDeleteIn my head I kept hearing the stranger's voice saying my mother's name.
"Sol? Que onda?" I flinched as Diana reached for me. I finally looked at her. {Diana knew me better than anyone and- she doesn’t have to know Sol to see that she’s crying }her eyes opened wide when she saw my face. I’d been crying.
"Oh Sol. Is this about Joaquin? I can't believe he's with Hannah either. Proves he's dumber than he's hot."
"What?" I had no idea what she was talking about {yes she does because she immediately says so. Re work this so that it’s clear it’s Hannah she didn’t about?}. Joaquin was my obsession. He was a year older than us and the president of our Starving Artist's club. Diana sucked in air between her teeth.
"Ay. You didn't hear? He and Hannah got caught in the darkroom at the photo-lab. They came out wearing each other's shirts." {good one}Diana put her arm {s?} around me as my sobs {returned?} came. I leaned into her comforting body. Diana and I had been best friends since we were children. Her mom Lora used to babysit me when my mother was attempting to go back to school. Lora had taught me the little Spanish I knew. She said it was a shame my father didn't each me the language of our people; that I {had should?} to speak in the language of my emotions. I didn't know what she meant back then but wondered if there was a word in Spanish for what I was feeling. {a little more specific about what she’s feeling? Anger? Devastation?}
{You’ve left some important things unanswered. How does Sol react to learning about Hannah/ Joaquin? If she says that’s not what’s bothering her, does Diana then ask what is?}
"Can I come to your place?" I didn't want to go home. There was no way I could face my mom.
"Is water wet?" She picked up a rock and threw it into the water, breaking up a group of seagulls. They voiced their protest.
"Sol, look at those crazy birds. They’re totally related to dinosaurs. You can see T-Rex in their eyes and beaks. If seagulls were the size of humans we'd all be dead." Diana's strange {is strange the best word here? After all, what she says is true. Isn’t it that she just sees things differently?} observations about the world were one of many reasons I loved her. As we walked {through a town? Through a field? Set scene?} she went on and on {about what?}, not needing me to respond. By the time we got to the small apartment where she lived with her mom she’d broken down the evolutionary progress of seagulls being the last dinosaurs and I was thoroughly distracted. {few things- recent discovery appears to indicate that T-rex actually evolved from birds, not other way around. Strange, right? https://movies.netflix.com/movie/Discover-Prehistoric-Planet/70211486. But more importantly, would Sol really be distracted from something so incredibly momentous and devastating as catching her mother cheating?}
Huerta Part 4
ReplyDelete"Your Mama called." Lora {remind us who she is? A line describing her as well?}kissed us both as we walked in. {how’s she coping with this heat?} Lora gave me a look. "If you're going to ditch school, you should still take your backpack with you. Your mom said she came home and found it. She wants to know where the hell the two of you were all day. I'd like to know too." {Whoa! Sol came home and found her mom already there so this contradicts. Also, why would Sol’s Mom think Diana was ditching? Also, above you said Grace wouldn’t care if Sol ditched. Here it sounds like she does.}
"I was at school! I swear, Ma!" Diana protested, slamming her bag down and pulling out papers. "See? I got this handout, it's dated, November 16."
"Sol?" Lora ignored her and stared at me.
"I went home early then to J Street, I needed a personal day." I said.
"So you walked home, left your backpack then went to J Street without your phone or anything?" She was good at interrogating, I hadn't been on the other end of one of her interrogations since we were kids and we drank the rum off her altar.
"Yes." {I squeaked.- seems odd. Maybe it’s not needed?} It was true. It was stupid to leave my backpack, but I’d panicked. All I had felt the entire walk to the marina was my heartbeat crashing through my veins. I was relieved my mom thought I had skipped an entire day of school. {wait. Mom was home, so she’d have discovered the backpack much earlier … Either it doesn’t make sense or I’m totally missing something, which is of course quite possible}
"In this crazy heatwave?” Lora stared. I used a trick Diana had taught me and stared at the space between her eyes so I wouldn't break down under her gaze. {explain why she’d break down?}
"Yeah." I glanced at Diana who picked up. {what? The reader reads what you write, not what you mean}
"Sol is having a crisis. Joaquin is with somebody else." Diana announced {this sounds like Dian is covering for her. Does Diana know about Grace cheating?} . Relief coursed through me. I could use the excuse of Joaquin to wear my pain {reword?}.
"Okay. If that's your story." Lora raised her eyebrows { } me {so, you’re implying that Lora doesn’t believe her?} and I saw what Diana would look like at her age. I turned to follow Diana to her room. Lora grabbed my upper arm. With her other hand she held my face and looked into me. Her concern was evident and my eyes filled with tears. I couldn't speak. It was too much. {So Lora knows about Grace?}
"Sol," she said softly, "No hay mal que por bien no venga."
I shook my head. My Spanish wasn't even close to good enough.
"There is no evil from which good cannot come." She kissed my forehead. "Call your mama." {So it feels like Lora knows about Grace, right?}
You do a really nice job of efficiently setting me into your scenes. I immediately felt like I was in LA with those hot winds blowing, and I could picture the two girls sitting by the marina. Very nice -- it's a tough task to do and you do it well.
ReplyDeleteI also liked Diana’s kookiness. I could see the two of them being best friends. The line about Diana’s strange observations being one of the many reasons Sol loves her is really good. Quirky character, I was eager to read more about Diana.
My biggest impression: I worry about the “quietness” of the book so far. Without having read a query or jacket-type pitch, it was hard for me to feel pulled in, not getting a sense of what's going to happen. It is sad and shocking for Sol to catch her mother in an affair, but I found myself not caring as much as I should have. I know that sounds harsh, but these pages left me with the sense that it’s a book exploring feelings about when one’s parents stray. Without more of a sense of plot, I doubt I would keep reading. Is there a way to introduce some plot element(s), even simply foreshadowing what might happen?
The opening paragraphs made me pause a bit, as a few things didn’t come across natural to my ear, sounding more like an author’s construct. I don’t know that the first line needs to introduce Diana, but if you really want to, I think it would work better if you figure out a way to let the reader figure out that Diana’s the best friend. Even if you switched words to say “not even telling my best friend Diana”, that sounds more natural to my ear.
And Sol’s sneaking in… I couldn’t figure out why she did that. There might be a missed opportunity here, to show us something about Sol. Is she quiet, wanting to be unobtrusive to the world? Or is she playful, always pranking her mom? Just doing it because "what the hell, might as well" doesn't feel very satisfying to me. I’d love to see you give us more about Sol right up front in this scene.
Looking forward to your revision. I think it might be useful to try it a couple of different ways to see what might draw readers in more immediately? Perhaps switching out what you give the reader right after the discovery scene? Even just sprinkling the first pages with more tastes of plot could be useful.
Good luck!
I think this is a really solid start. What a shock that would be, coming home and finding your mother with another man! Great hook. I definitely want to keep reading.
ReplyDeleteI have heard about the Santa Ana winds, but only in general terms. I am curious as to why they seem to make people crazy. This might be a place to elaborate and give us a bit of Sol's voice early on. "Summer wasn't satisfied to have just one season and was insisting it's way deep into fall." This is a great line.
"But for no other reason than the world being a little crazy I decided to be secretive about my entering. " This felt contrived. The moment I read it, I figured she was going to see something she shouldn't. I think you'll have a stronger set-up, and therefore a stronger pay-off, if you give her a better reason. Maybe she'll get in trouble for being home? Maybe she and her mom had a fight earlier and she doesn't want a rehash? It's your story, and I'm sure you'll have a better idea than me :)
"I grinned, thinking she was doing her weird yoga routine." Again, the 'thinking' sets us up for it being something else. If we assume along with Sol that it is the yoga, there's more shock value at the reveal.
"I snuck to the door with the intention of scaring her so she would let out the whoop she did when startled." I didn't like 'with the intention of'' here. Can we get more into Sol's head? "I snuck to the door. I'd scare her, and she'd let out that whoop, the one she always did when . . ." Something like that?
I have to say, I loved that the guy's name is Ernie. You don't hear that much these days. It's one of those ordinary, slightly nerdy names. For some reason, that made it seem much more real to me. Nice job. :) Also, she says she loves him. Ouch - for Sol, I mean. Great conflict for the opening.
"Diana knew me better than anyone and her eyes opened wide when she saw my face. I’d been crying." I don't think you need the last sentence. It has more power if Diana just looks at her face and knows something is wrong.
I'm kind of confused as to why Diana thinks she's crying. She assumes it's Joaquin and Hannah, but then realizes Sol didn't know. So I think she'd wonder what IS the matter, if not that.
"but wondered if there was a word in Spanish for what I was feeling." Love this.
I think the backpack angle could be played up more. Does her mom know that Sol knows? Because the backpack wasn't there all day. The ending makes me think that Lora knows, and I love that line that she uses, about evil and good. It feels like it will be important to Sol's journey.
I would read this, and I am anxious to see your revisions. Good luck!
Hi LIzz,
ReplyDeleteI really liked the way you've started this. I'm immediately drawn in by your opening sentence and I feel like I'm in good hands for an interesting ride. Having lived in SoCal, I had no problem grasping the weather reference, but I think for people who don't live there, you could ground it a bit more. Todd (commenting as Stephen) did such a thorough job going over this that I think we're all set in terms of that and most other things, so I'm really just going to give you my overall impressions.
You lost me where you said that she had no reason for sneaking. I think you really need a strong motivation for leaving school and for sneaking in this early on in the book, there's no payoff for raising a question you can't answer. The boy in the dark room is a perfect excuse and would motivate both actions -- she knows her mother is home and wants to avoid questions about ditching school and the boy and therefore she just wants to go to her room. That makes perfect sense and you wouldn't need to worry about the conflicting statements about whether her mom would mind or not mind about her ditching.
I'm curious about whether this is a complete manuscript, or whether you are just starting out? It feels like you don't quite know your character or her surrounding cast yet, and that's fine. This situation has a ton of conflict in it, and I'm absolutely eager to go along with your mc as she deals with the repercussions. Especially if she knows the boy she likes is cheating and she gets home to discover her mom is cheating. Holy-gripping-drama, batman. The bonus of doing it that way is that we don't have to interrupt her reaction to her mother's situation to have her react or not react to the boy she likes situation.
Also consider her friendship with Diana. If she isn't telling her best friend something, it has to be for a compelling reason. This can be a reason that makes us like her -- something along the lines of trying to be heroic and not let anyone see her until she can pull herself together -- or some other reason, but there has to be a reason for everything she does, and you -- and hopefully the reader -- need to understand that reason. The less we understand why she is behaving a certain way at the beginning of the story, the less likely we will be to want to continue reading.
A couple other pieces of confusion for me:
1) Why is her mother on the floor? That doesn't seem to be a very likely position and we're not really seeing clothing etc. Consider your choices here in terms of realism. For some reason the repetition of Grace, Grace, Grace, didn't quite ring true for me, but that might be because of context.
2) Are her mom and dad still together? You talk about his business as if they are together, but then Lora uses the past tense about your mc's not being taught Spanish and the way it came across it was as if he was no longer in the picture.
3) The reference to stone in conjunction with her father's business seems out of place and raises more questions.
Overall, apart from the motivation and the misdirection at the beginning, also consider your language. There's something very pleasing in your voice, but at the same time, there's a repetitive cadence in the short sentences that would benefit from a more varied sentence structure. And consider whether your mc's voice is quite as formal as it sometimes seems. Really go through and consider every word for tone and context and make sure that the placement of information (flow) is making sense. Ask yourself why are you giving the reader that particular piece of information and why you're giving it to us at that particular moment.
Again, this is a compelling start to a story I would definitely read. Your MC seems age appropriate, and her world is vivid. Once you iron out the story question and her motivation at the beginning, you'll be off to a flying start! I'm looking forward to seeing this again.